February 2010 Archives
To BirminghamMom shelter magazine junkies, I hope you didn't miss the feature on Birmingham in Elle Decor magazine's Jan/Feb issue.
We're used to being a praised in our hometown favorites, Southern Living and our dearly departed Southern Accents and Cottage Living. We can even empathize with Elle Decor since it recently lost its own sister publication, Metropolitan Home, although it's safe to say we southern women weren't Metropolitan Home's largest demographic anyway (loft living in Birmingham is still regarded as an unproven but promising experiment).
The article, by Beaty Coleman, outlines recommended dining and shopping destinations and includes the obligatory salute to Vulcan's bare rump. She particularly favors the "bucolic enclave" of Mountain Brook, even chumming with the "Brookies" and admiring their neatly clipped boxwood hedges (note to Beaty: My own husband discourages my riding through some of these areas for fear of yet another landscape project inspiration).
She also gives a shout out to the "over the mountain" suburbs of Homewood, Vestavia and Hoover, so she's clearly gotten an insider's view of the area. Nonetheless, it's fun to see the city shared with a broad national audience, some of which might discount our own proud claims by thinking we probably just don't know any better.
Side story: Coleman describes the pedestrian-friendly villages of Mountain Brook as being "so accommodating some citizens rarely venture beyond a two-mile radius of home." This reminded me of a guy from Mountain Brook who claimed to have never eaten at a chain like O'Charley's or Chilli's in his life.
Now, I'm not saying he's missed any good food on that account, but there is something to be said for having the typical American restaurant experience. There is more out there - good and bad - than a fennel tart (no offense to Chez LuLu).
Image credit Lena Corwin, Elle Decor
Every BirminghamMom is familiar with the daily to-do list that she keeps crossing down only to add more entries in equal measure.
Seldom are our to-dos self-contained little tasks. Rather, they are loaded with complicating factors.
* Multi-step: Make kid's well visit appointment three weeks out, send teacher note for check out one day in advance, get kid to appointment, get doctor's excuse for the school, do we have updated copy of Blue Form for summer camp?
* Contingent: Pick up prescription, did nurse call in? If so, confirm ready for pick up at pharmacy. If not, take script to pharmacy and grab band aids while waiting on Rx. You mean I have to refrigerate this medicine? Starting now?
* Sequenced: Pack uniforms and water bottles, drive-thru dinner on way to practice, child 1 to ball field east, child 2 to karate studio west (does child 2 have mouth guard? does child 1 have rec specs?), back to get child 1, return to studio to get child 2. Is homework done?
We have learned to always think ahead to the next logical step. This is why most moms need a personal MapQuest system that helps avoid doubling back on a route and identify potential efficiencies in what I call the errand circuit.
The notebook never leaves the car. When you're done for the day, discard that page and start fresh tomorrow. If you drop off dry cleaning, flip to the next page and jot a reminder to pick it up. It's an errand that can only be handled in the car so there's no need writing it in a planner that's likely to be left on your desk or tucked in a bag.
Another helpful method is an index card, especially if you're on a mission that will take you in and out of many stores. I keep index cards in my purse so that I can make a list while I'm in a store. If I'm planning a party, I might be in Publix ordering a cake, then remember I need a vinyl tablecloth at the Dollar Store and theme goody bags at Party City. I write each item on an index card, then clip the card into this weeble-type holder when I'm back in the car (find a holder at any office supply store) and your next stop is only a glance away.
Maybe other moms can remember all this in their heads, but my errand brain is at capacity already.
Reading is so important to me that I feel sorry for the folks who never get lost in a good book. Is there anything better than the feeling that you've got to know what happens, yet you hate for the story to end? You sort of decelerate toward the last page, savoring every word up until the very last sentence.
The National Education Association will be celebrating "Read Across America Day" March 2nd, with the work of Dr. Seuss as the featured program. The goal is for every child to be "reading in the company of a caring adult" and there's no reason we BirminghamMoms can't make that happen in our households.
As part of its partnership with NEA, Target is hosting events at its stores from 9 - 11 a.m. on Saturday, February 27th. The event is free and will include Dr. Seuss related activities. You can download fun activities from Target's website as well as the NEA's site.
There's nothing like a Dr. Seuss book to bring a high-and-mighty adult down to his or her kid-like center. Grandparents are particularly effective at these readings, although you don't pretend you don't always strive for a personal best reading One Fish, Two Fish without a flub.
Note: There is a wonderful mural of Dr. Seuss characters on the back wall of Mellow Mushroom on College Street in Auburn. I was admiring it once and the manager at the time said he had actually met Theodor Geisel, a.k.a. Dr. Seuss, when he was a child growing up in another state. Apparently Geisel came to read at his school and the manager, then about eight years old, had a broken leg and was sitting in a wheelchair at the back of the room. Geisel noticed him and asked to have him moved closer to the front so he could see better. Of course, he never forgot this show of thougtfulness. Isn't that a lovely story?
I've decided this subtle advice against wearing yellow is well-founded, at least for me, failing the requisite olive complexion or Coppertone tan (all before even considering the danger of appearing under any fluourescent lighting source). But as I watch the Olympics I think of the Mobile matron's dictum in a whole new way, as in:
You've got to be really (pretty/fit/tall/animated) to wear (a giant helmet/unitard/ear flap/beanie cap/Aboriginal ice dancing costume), etc. And Jackie O would not be caught dead in one of the plaid jackets sported by the U.S. snowboarding team, which are worse than any basement man-cave couch.
My hat's off to the Olympic athletes who have overcome injuries, disappointments, disasterous falls, and being forced into fashion victimhood to still take their medals. Gold, silver and bronze flatter anyone, as do the green endorsement checks that follow.
You don't want your moment on the Wheaties box to be anything less than glorious. Unfortunately, orange isn't everybody's color either...
I'm always game for exploiting any feature that will give the kids some extra educational mileage. Thus I was interested to see the exhibit running through March 5th, 2010 at UAB's Alabama Museum of the Health Sciences titled Harry Potter's World: Renaissance Science, Magic, and Medicine.
It's hard for a museum exhibit to compete with the entertainment kids expect nowadays (Universal Studios Orlando will soon unveil Wizarding World, a Harry Potter inspired section of its themepark). Ancient books and woodcut illustrations under glass didn't sustain my kids' attention as I had hoped, but the exhibit was fascinating for this BirminghamMom nontheless.
* Parallels with the Harry Potter stories are outlined along the far end of the exhibit and show how author JK Rowling included themes from Renaissance medicine in her work. You'll recall some have objected to these books because of references to witchcraft.
Looking over the exhibit, you're reminded that modern medicine began with witchcraft, astrology and alchemy as practitioners tried all sorts of remedies in a desperate effort to heal. Not until the development of the scientific method and it's insistence on reliability and replication of results did we drop some of these notions. Even still, I will admit having tried many an old wives' tale to remedy colic in a young baby here in the 21st century.
* Ironically, to not believe in witches was considered heretical back in the day. There were actually manuals on how to identify witches (displayed is Malleus Maleficarum, or "Witch's Hammer", published in 1489). Imagine finding this in the bookseller's self-help section! This manual even asserts that Satan "endeavors to propgage the unbelief of witches," all the better to keep you on the hunt for them. What does all this have to do with medicine? It seems physicians were brought in as expert witnesses at witch trials, since they were to diagnose whether symptoms were caused by natural or supernatural causes. If the physician declared the symptom caused by supernatural forces, it was likely someone was going to burn at the stake or be thrown in the river with some stones as weights. Talk about medical ethics! Awkward.
* You may chuckle to learn that magnets were considered magical (how else to explain them back then?) and to see serious references to unicorn horns and dragons among the medical texts on display, but my money says the state-of-the art protocols employed at UAB today will look just as primitive to our decendants in 400 years.
* Look for first edition books and highlights from pioneers of modern medicine:
William Harvey (discovered circulation of blood and the function of the heart);
Roger Bacon, said to be a pioneer of the scientific experiment;
A first edition of the Principia, Isaac Newton's most famous work. Though Newton is revered today for his mathematical discoveries related to laws of motion and gravity, I was surprised to learn he quietly wrote a great deal on the occult and alchemy, topics which were of interest during this time before scientifically based studies. Much of this writing was later repudiated by scientists, but hey, nobody holds this against him.
* Clearly, some topics have had universal appeal since the dawn of the printed word. One book from 1683 is titled, "The Cure of Old Age and Preservation of Youth, Shewing How to Cure and Keep Off the Accidents of Old Age; and How to Preserve the Youth, Strength and Beauty of Body, and the Senses and All the Faculties of Both Body and Mind." Ah, but now modern medicine offers plastic surgery, at least for the youth and beauty aspects. As for the "accidents of old age," I suppose we have The Clapper and Depends.
If you're a grown-up Harry Potter fan, and even if you just have an interest in science and civilization, this exhibit is worth your time. There is no admission fee and the most difficult aspect is locating a parking spot, as street level is the best option.
Check it out at the Alabama Museum of the Health Sciences, 3rd floor of Listerhill Library, 1700 University Boulevard (next to an elevated crosswalk across University).
Interesting note: Look for the exhibit case dealing with mandrakes, a plant mentioned in Harry Potter but better known as part of an interesting little exchange between those madcap sisters in Genesis, Rachel and Leah.
I could see her dilemma; I mean, does a book always have to be so deep and fraught with meaning? When you're three years old, you just want a fascinating story. You don't necessarily want every book featuring black characters to be the boyhood story of a courageous African American icon. Nor does race, heritage or ethnicity always need to be central to the story. How about just an ordinary kid doing the usual stuff, like tying shoes or learning to count?
As luck would have it, shortly after that discussion I visited a preschool in West End as a volunteer in an early learning program. My task was simply to read some books to the children. As I sat down among the group of eager young faces, I realized that of the three books provided to me, two featured white families and one was about an elephant attending school in Paris. Surely I could do better than this.
Luckily, my friend offered some suggestions for next time:
Not Norman: A Goldfish Story, written by Kelly Bennett and illustrated by Noah Z. Jones. This book is precious and the perfect book for any parent who has thus far held requests for a puppy, kitten, or hamster at bay. If you've been putting off a furry pet and trying to persuade your kid to be content with a goldfish (the quintessential pre-pet pet), Not Norman is your book. I found my copy at Target.
The Snowy Day, written and illustrated by Ezra Jack Keats. This is the classic we all remember from our own childhood days. It's a Caldecott Medal winner and, as my friend pointed out, so appropriate for our unusual snowy weather of late.
Peter's Chair, also by Ezra Jack Keats. Here is the book for adjusting to the arrival of a new sibling. It was first published in 1967. That's over 40 years of guidance on becoming an older brother or sister.
Ten, Nine, Eight, written and illustrated by Molly Bang. This is another Caldecott Medal winner and the perfect countdown for bed book. In researching this book further I found that the editors originally told Bang that she had probably cut her audience in half by having the child be a girl and the family African-American. She reasoned just the opposite, since there was already an abundance of books about white children and families. Happily, she says the book has "sold well to both white and black, and all shades in between."
As an added bonus, all of these books have teacher's guides readily available on the web, some created by educators and some by the publishers.
Now I can't wait to go back to the daycare and share these books. Even better, I'm happy to have discovered some wonderful books for all children.
A favorite Valentine's poem by an eight year old girl:
Valentine's Day
I hate you so much
Too much love and all that stuff.
I hate you Valentine's Day
OK?
Soon enough Valentine's Day will become fraught with expectations and will likely alternate between heartbreak and euphoria. But for now it is a comfort to know that we aren't yet witnessing the ups and downs of romance, breakups, and petty quarrels.
There will be some great Valentine years and some bad ones. Something tells me this poem will be a manifesto for the bad ones.
There's a lot of talk these days about Nick Saban and his "process" for developing his team. The BCS national championship has sports writers deconstructing what he does to make the team successful. Well, though I don't have an agent or a contract, I do have a process of my own that I have found to be effective in developing the kids as participants in the family's home keeping.
It started a few years ago when I decided that I was not going to allow myself to be a scullery maid for the family. I reached a point where I literally could not keep up and was becoming resentful of the effort.
Like many kids, mine functioned under a pervading myth that houseshold magic accounted for how the clothes were reliably clean, the silverware could be retrieved from the drawer even blindfolded, and the bedsheets were changed regularly. Meanwhile, no one dared ask why mommy had clenched teeth and flew into screaming fits at the slightest provocation.
So it actually wasn't out of a purposeful training plan but of true necessity that I insisted each member of the family have specific household duties. A guidance counselor encouraged us moms to assign the kids responsibilities at home. "Make the children think the home cannot run without them. They need to have a role at home see that they are needed. There is nothing better for developing their self esteem and sense of responsibility."
Committing to this concept, we developed the Process which has produced our own championship-worthy results. In addition to the usual bedroom cleaning, each child does kitchen or laundry each month. Duties are swapped at the end of each month.
Kitchen duty: Maintains the kitchen so that the family can enjoy meals and snacks in a clean and organized environment. Duties include:
- Loading dishes after meals (each individual will put his or her meal in the diswhasher if there is room)
- Wiping down the dinner table and countertops
- Sweeping the floor
- Putting leftovers in the fridge
- Running the dishwasher, if needed
- Cleaning out the sink
The biggest gauge of success with the kitchen position is keeping the sink clear. If clean dishes aren't unloaded, there is nowhere for dirty dishes to go but into the sink to soak and wait. This makes for a messy work environment for the next meal and makes clean up harder. The best way kids can manage this is to unload the dishwasher each morning or before the dinner prep so there is a "clean slate" and the cook can work. If the dishwasher is unloaded frequently, it's available for the rest of us to load our own plates each night, a natural benefit of keeping this job done.
Laundry Duty: Keeps the laundry moving sequentially through three stations: dirty clothes hamper, laundry room, and bedroom drawers/closets. Duties include:
- Gathering laundry
- Sorting for wash according to colored/pales/whites (I am the only one who has handwashables so I keep these out of the laundry routine)
- Running washer - usually one load started in the morning and one during the evening
- Moving clothes from washer to dryer
- Removing clothes from dryer and hanging/folding and placing into individual's hampers. Each individual puts away his/her own clothes each evening.
Any clothing that isn't in one of the three "stations" is by definition out of place. That's not to say we don't have clothing out of place sometimes - like strewn on the floor - but it's easy to correct quickly. Also, a sibling who needs a clean uniform can be a very effective advocate for keeping the laundry moving. And yes, someone has had to dig into the dirty clothes to re-wear a pair of jeans when there were none clean. But honestly, that happened sometimes when I was doing the laundry, so it is certainly no worse now with the Process. I just don't get blamed.
Instead of trying to play all the positions, I coach the household team. Saban may kiss his Waterford crystal, but I'm toasting with mine.
As Valentine's Day approaches, it's striking to note that every man is an easy mark for jewelry stores, fragrance counters and lingerie shops. Florists happily reinforce the implicit message that you will be scorned for the rest of the year if you don't bring gifts come February 14th.
* Do not buy a heart shaped candy box from the quick mart. We expect you to be more sophisticated than that. (Pick up a strawberry cake at Ashley Mac's or a few exquisite artisanal chocolates from Crave.)
*At a certain point in a woman's life, a new front-loading washer would bring more enjoyment than a bracelet for the same price. This is a very dangerous point, however, and you must be certain to call it correctly or risk great wrath. She will let you know if it's the year to go the major appliance route, and you must at least be sure to go to dinner after the visit to Home Depot. (This point usually arrives at around seven years of marriage or two laundry loads per day, whichever arrives first).
*Only major appliances are acceptable for Valentine's gifts; small appliances are better appreciated as a surprise for no reason. The day a girl gets a blender for Valentine's, a little piece of her heart breaks.
*Who are you kidding? We know that lingerie is for you. That's fine; just don't think it will be sufficient by itself. Have dinner reservations or bring home a nice meal for us to enjoy. Don't forget to do something with the kids, too (this seems to be the point where plans always fall apart; if you don't have the babysitter's contact info, add it to your phone right now).
If flowers are important to her, consider my all time favorite Valentine story from last year: One BirminghamMom receives roses at work from her husband every year. The fun of it is that he handles the entire operation himself. He selects them at the supermarket, stuffs them in a vase, and delivers them to the security guard's desk at her office. She never sees him, but when she gets the call for a delivery pick-up she knows it was him. He saves about $55 for his trouble and it is their running Valentine joke. She adds that the card is always in his familiar handwriting and they have a nice, guilt-free dinner out that evening.
Finally, remember a single rose and an enthusiastic greeting from you beats a dozen delivered by the boy from the flower shop.
