May 2009 Archives

I have to thank an anonymous BirminghamMom who tipped me off to some of the cute things at Southeastern Salvage (she didn't want some of her boutique buddies to know where she was finding some of their gifts!).

A word of warning: Southeastern Salvage is a game of serendipity. Come to browse, expect to find nothing, and then be pleased when you discover a random and unexpected item that happens to fill a yen you didn't even know you had.

You can reliably find basic door hardware, wooden interior and exterior doors, and an assortment of large framed mirrors. Otherwise, it's a grab bag every visit. Right now there are a few exceptionally good things along with a few that are hard to fathom. (As an example of the latter, who buys these masks for $88? Hostesses who are outfitting a tiki hut for a pool party? Did the Brady Bunch in Hawaii teach us nothing?)

This jute bag is a steal at $5.95 and would be precious with a monogram or applique. Similar versions sell for $24 before any customization. These bags are generously sized with leather handles but the colors are one-off from the most popular shades. The orange version is the most current, since that color is having a big moment. Add a team applique to delight an Auburn fan or a Hoover Buc. The green version is a bit too bright for official Spartan supporters and maybe even Blazers but it is a great shade for a Christmas tote bag. Lavender is another good choice.

Maybe the best thing at Southeastern Salvage right now is this laundry organizer, shelved near the jute bags. Forget laundry, though, and plan instead to use this $14.99 helper to keep your trunk or SUV organized. It's divided into three compartments that are the perfect size to keep sports equipment, beach towels, and snacks or other supplies at the ready. The canvas is sturdy and waterproof, and the handles are well-secured and strong. A generous pocket on the outside is large enough for some bottles of sunscreen and a compact umbrella. It folds flat and out of the way when not in use. 

Imagine how cute this blue organizer would look with a nautical applique such as an anchor or ring float. Likewise, a red version would be perfect for keeping a Bama fan's trunk neat in time for tailgating (or for a freshman headed to campus with real laundry to handle). If your kids play on sports teams, some of the bright colors will work perfectly with their team colors. Unfortunately, basic black is gone.

I would've followed my friend's advice and had this monogrammed right away, but it's already busy keeping things from bouncing around in the trunk. Once I opened it and started seeing all it could hold, I knew there was no way I could go without it even for a few days this summer.

Check out Southeastern Salvage with a sense of adventure. The teak benches in classic designs are a steal at $199, and open teak vanities would be appropriate in a modern style bath. The six foot tall $900 Buddha head is a little extreme for most back yards, and although you could add character with some of the unconventional furniture pieces, they're not for the timid decorator. My advice is to stick to the mirrors, totes and doors and leave the Brady Bunch bad juju behind.

 

This stuffed toy came in a box of cereal recently; you can see its size in comparison to a nickel. What is its purpose? The seams are so tight that the familiar character's face is distorted. Too small for even a dog's chew toy, it's about as useless as a wad of cotton. Retract that; at least a wad of cotton could keep aspirin from rattling in a pill bottle. This thing couldn't even absorb a spill from a thimble, thanks to its polyester cover.  

When I see the tiny tag that says, "Made in China," I can't help but think of what went into the manufacture of this little do-dad. Someone had to select patterns, dyes, fabrics, gather appprovals, develop production schedules, arrange shipping, and employ workers who could pump these things out in short order. And what was the end result of all this effort? To take up space in a cereal box. To induce gullible kids to beg their parents for this cereal box instead of another. To promise a miniature toy that is actually a complete disappointment.

How many of us have kid meal toys rolling around in our backseats that have no redeeming qualities and were discarded by the kids as soon as the plastic wrapper was removed? Tens of thousands of these trinkets are doled out every day, and that's before considering the novelites from dollar stores and birthday party goody bags. The truth is, they're hardly amusing anymore. Isn't it a sign of depravity that we would spend money or assign space for this stuff?

I'm convinced this cereal premium is no different than a lot of the things that are in the check out aisles of every store. I'm weary of having to pick them up, corral them into trash bags, and throw them away. What happens to all of  them then? Anthropologists will surely excavate this mess one day and wonder what we were thinking.

Inexpensive imported products have been beneficial for most of us overall. Many of the things we buy actually cost less now in real terms than they did years ago. It's wonderful to know you can replace most everyday items easily, from clothing to clocks. But when things go from affordable to expendable, it can get dangerous. When things require no sacrifice, they stop having value.  They may even represent a net cost, as in this stuffed toy which must be added to the trash after providing no more than two seconds of amusement. (Do the people in China ever wonder how we can possibly find enjoyment in all the tiny novelties we have them produce?)

Maybe the current economic downturn will make us more requiring of the things we purchase and of the companies that provide them. As moms, we have the opportunity to teach quality and utility over disposability. It used to be that something was considered junk after it had been used up and could no longer be salvaged. Now it's destined for the trash almost before it has been opened. 

Hats off to the companies who already avoid the manufacture of more useless "stuff." Chic-fil-A franchises include short educational books in their kids' meals (and you can exchange the book for an ice cream cone if the child prefers). Arby's at least tries to associate a positive lesson with its kids' meal toys. 

The toys provided by most large chains are simply promotions tied into gargantuan marketing programs for movies and theme parks. Every now and then a toy is good enough to keep and enjoy, but more often it is just a cause for sibling strife.

It's true that our kids aren't going to be satisfied for long with a bouncing ball and a handful of jacks, but it wouldn't hurt to try a pencil and paper again, or string for Jacob's Ladder in addition to the usual stash of electronic games. Maybe being bored occasionally would be better than being disappointed by a newly manufactured piece of junk.

Early last year I was privileged to hear the "last lecture" of a professor who was retiring after 35 years in academia. He was beloved by his students and had a contagious enthusiasm for his subject. Besides this, he had been a prolific researcher and mentor, having sponsored more than 90 Ph.Ds over the course of his academic career. Colleagues and former students were in attendance, and I was struck by the magnitude of having to distill 35 years worth of experience into a 45 minute lecture. I felt honored to be part of such a special occasion and could only marvel at the fact that, after 35 years of this, he even cared to give yet one more. 

So I was intrigued by the book The Last Lecture when I first heard of it, even before it had become a best-seller. If you aren't familiar with the famous Last Lecture, Randy Pausch was a  computer science professor at Carnegie-Melon who learned he'd been diagnosed with terminal cancer shortly before this lecture. While a last lecture is somewhat an academic tradition, this took on new meaning for Pausch with his diagnosis. His lecture went viral on YouTube - where it now lives in infamy - and its subsequent popularity led to national attention and a book, which offers additional glimpses into Pausch's life and perspective as he prepared his lecture. 

With spring graduations upon us and Father's Day weeks away, the book is displayed prominently in every bookstore. Before you dismiss it as another gimmicky gift book, let me assure you that it is a truly inspiring and authentic message from someone who had an extraordinary gift for sharing his knowledge. 

I gave this book to my husband and he couldn't put it down, which in itself is a recommendation of the highest degree. It's a great read for college graduates and fathers, but I recommend it to BirminghamMoms as well for its message of encouragement, fortitude, and appreciation of the moment. You will feel for his wife, Jai, and their three young children, who have the lecture as his legacy to them. 

Paush begins by stating he won the "parent lottery", and goes on to share his parents' encouragement from an early age. Most remarkable is the fact that his mother allowed him to write with paint on his bedroom walls when he was a young child. He painted a fake elevator door in his room in a one-story ranch-style house, along with a rocket ship, E=mc2, and the phrase "disco sucks", among other things. (His mom did paint over the "disco sucks" but left the rest). How about this: His wall writing is still there, in the bedroom of his parents' home (I realize this has just made some of you hold off plans to re-do the kids' bedrooms as soon as they've moved out). 

You must make time to at least watch the lecture. Read the book to learn what his wife, Jai, whispers to him when he honors her birthday on stage. You may think you can't sit through another commencement address, but take just six and a half minutes to watch his poignant address to the 2008 Carnegie Melon graduates. The best moment of all is when he sweeps Jai up in his arms after leaving the podium. Every woman should be loved like that.

Although he lost his battle with cancer several weeks after the commencement address, his thoughts live on in his work. I enjoy knowing his lecture was never undertaken with an eye toward profit or notoriety, eventhough I am happy for his family's sake that his work achieved those ends. I've never felt better about buying a bestseller, knowing the royalties will at least benefit his family even if we would all prefer the alternative of having him still here. The book is so popular you can easily find a used copy or borrow it from the library. It will give you a new appreciation for the story you're building of your own life. 

  

 

 

Before you abandon your (finally) perfected daily schedule for the pleasures of summer, get the kids registered for the summer reading program at the library. This is absolutely one of the best activities you can enjoy with your kids, not only to maintain reading skills over the summer but also to engage with your local community.

If your kids are school-age, the teachers have already encouraged you to get the kids to a running start through the reading program. Even very young children (age three) can enroll and earn incentives for the books you read to them. Teens are also included, and most library branches have special events designed to appeal to them that include the teen trinity of Wii, Guitar Hero, and food.

With so much talk about the importance of family time in a difficult economy, the library is a saving grace. The reading program gives BirminghamMoms a wonderful excuse to have a "date" with the kids on a routine basis (in fact, I recommend one to help you return the books on a timely schedule). Whether you can take the kids during the day or evening doesn't matter; the staff is attentive and encouraging of all the kids' efforts to read and will wait patiently as they choose the prizes they've earned (plan extra time for them to make a wrenching decision between two equally insignificant plastic toys).

And what about mom? There is a reading program for adults that you must check into for yourself. No, it's not just another thing to keep up with; it's a chance for you to win grown-up goodies like gift cards, spa certificates, and maybe even a grill (the adult equivalent of the kids' bicycle prize). Who else is offering you a free chance at these prizes just for your routine reading? Besides, you might turn this into an excuse to enjoy a long-neglected reading binge.

You're already reading chic lit at the beach, self-help on parenting/dieting/exercise, and perhaps a business book recommended by your insistent boss. It's worth submitting the titles you've read for a chance at a prize, unless of course you are too embarassed by your current trashy novel (there is that devotional booklet you could mention instead...).

Check out the adult reading programs at these branches, with prizes donated by local vendors:

• Emmet O'Neal (Mountain Brook)
• Five Points West
• Hoover
• Leeds
• Midfield
• North Birmingham
• Pleasant Grove
• Springville Road
• Vestavia Hills
• West End

You are sure to have a branch near home, work, or other activities, and your library card is good at any of them. Borrow books from any branch but join the reading program at the branch you consider to be your community. 

You'll be as excited as the kids to exchange your books for new ones, and hopefully the kids will be inspired by seeing you with a book. I find that enforcing a quiet reading time works better when I'm also reading. It also encourages my reluctant reader to settle in and focus. Reading time is the equivalent of the mom-dictated afternoon nap; every mom needs this as part of her kid-management program.

Let the library help you have a more enjoyable summer filled with stories - your own and others'.

 

 

Moms are the original masters of tricky maneuvers. How do you make sure the Tooth Fairy pays up without waking a sleepyhead? How do you bid farewell, then check back on an upset child without starting the whole drama of departure again? And how do you politely collect funds for a group gift without tipping off the recipient?

Every other month seems to mark the close of another shared endeavor like ball season, school, or camp. Each event calls for a collective gift to show appreciation to the coaches, teachers, counselors, and othes who make it all possible. Then there are the occasions like wedding and baby showers, Bosses Day, or fond farewells that merit a gift from the group.   

There are usually two kinds of moms who work the secret group gift: Those who are happy to write a check if only someone else will please, please just handle it, and those who swoop in to organize the entire giftng operation independently. At the gift-giving ceremony, most of the contributors have no idea what was purchased and are as curious as the recipient to see what comes out of the package.

There is rarely any middle ground, because to merely acknowledge the need for a group gift is tantamount to volunteering yourself to ask for donations, collect funds, select and purchase the gift, and circulate a card for everyone to sign. Of course there isn't time to solicit input and reach a consensus - you're just lucky someone volunteered to get the gift in the first place.

Frumus.com is a website that leaves a bit more middle ground. The site allows all group members to discuss gift ideas, view suggested gifts, and donate to the gift fund securely via credit card. The usual dialogue that is either impossible or time consuming can be avoided. If your group's members are scattered geographically or have busy schedules, Frumus.com can help you coordinate your efforts. If you have absolultely no idea what a coach would like, Frumus.com has a variety of suggestions at different price points to suit your needs. And if you just want to give your gift recipient money or use the site for collections only (not a purchase), you can designate an account where the funds can be deposited (the recipient must set up a Paypal account).

Have the gift delievered to a designee in time to bring it to the team/class party, or have the gift sent directly to the recipient (remote boss, camp counselor already back at college). Set up more than one collection if you need to cover multiple recipients such as teachers, recipients, and so forth.  Many common gift retailers are represented among the available shopping options, and gift cards are also an option.

Of course,someone has to set up the account, input e-mail contacts, and make a determination on the group's behalf. However, this still may beat the usual methods of communicating and collecting, especially if your group doesn't meet together regularly.  Whether you're the mom who loves to organize the gift-giving or the one who prefers to just send money, at least you can stop spending time fabricating excuses to pass an envelope.  

Several area Bruno's and Food World stores are closing, and it's sad to see a beloved Birmingham establishment going down. I went inside one of these stores the other day, and there was no gleeful feeling of finding bargains (actually, there weren't any bargains, but those may come with future markdowns). The feeling was more of helpless pity, like it's too bad things have to end like this.

As a rule, going into a store that is closing for liquidation is never cheerful. It starts with the guy holding the "Store Closing" sign at the nearest intersection, a human who has been reduced to a living sign post (although it's probably nice work if you can get it, with less stress than most jobs). Banners declare "Store Closing! Everything Must Go!" and every window is plastered with loud letters and exclamation points. A liquidating store has lost all dignity, with its aisles festooned by neon markdown signs and over barren shelves. 

It's jarring to see a carefully orchestrated retail production reduced to its props, stripped of all the order and fantasy we expect. Even the fixtures are for sale, with crass price tags on them. You mean this white pole is really just a fixture and not a maginficent greek column? You've already disassembled the vignettes, including the one that inspired me to buy specialty breads and cheeses for an imaginary picnic?

I know BirminghamMoms still have plenty of options for groceries and competitors will be plenty happy to welcome new customers. It's just bittersweet to bid farewell to a neighbor.

Best wishes to the employees who are losing their jobs. May you prosper in a new job with a company far removed from the guys who are holding up "Store Closing" signs. 

When I was pregnant for the first time, I realized my hormones had hijacked my own mind when a potted plant actually made me burst into tears.

We were getting ready to go a performance by the Alabama Symphony Orchestra (I talked my husband into this under the guise that it was even better for the baby than Baby Mozart CDs) and I glanced at a houseplant, slightly wilted, in the living room.

"I can't even take care of a plant! How am I going to take care of a baby?" I started sobbing, and no one was more bewildered than my husband, who had probably thought he was the one more likely to wind up in tears of frustration that night.

Even now I love a few well-placed houseplants, but when they get crisp or straggly, the effect is ruined. Instead of communicating well-tended vitality, they bear witness to your neglect. The Aqua Globes that are in every "As Seen On TV" aisle promise to keep secrets for a busy mom who is doing good to hydrate kids, let alone plants.

Similar products have been in garden catalogs for years, but it took a $9.95 price tag (for a package of two) and placement on the impulse aisle to get me to try them. They claim to keep plants watered for up to two weeks, but it is sufficient to know they could sustain a plant through a vacation or a forgetful spell at home.

They really do work, although not in place of watering - after all, the globe itself has to be filled - but in letting the plant draw water gradually as the soil dries out. The globes are almost as much effort as watering with a can because the globe stem is small and it takes a precise pour or stream at the sink to fill it. However, once the globe is filled and inserted into the soil, the globe keeps a steady drip of moisture available so the plant can slow dose without drying out or, alternatively, rotting at the roots. Since each globe only holds a little over a cup of water, it's a stretch to say it is sufficient for the needs of a moisture-loving plant, but it is adequate for the most common houseplant varieties.

A couple of caveats: You must make a hole in the soil deep enough for the long neck of the globe to fit into. It would be easy to break or clog the neck otherwise. Also, you must jiggle the globe so that you see bubbles once you insert it into the soil, which indicates that water is able to drain out of the opening at the bottom. Other than that, just spread some Spanish moss around the plant base and the Aqua Globe. The moss helps the soil retain moisture but also helps cover the globe so that it is not as obtrusive.  

The picture above left shows an Aqua Globe tucked into an outdoor basket. This basket is on an external door out of reach of an irrigation system. Although the globe has to be filled every day in warm weather, it is less messy than hand watering (which can't avoid letting water spill through the basket and down the door) and the globe doesn't allow as much water to drain away to no purpose.

The globe can look like a pretty ball to a little one, so consider it carefullly if you think it might tempt your young child to grab it as a toy.  For that matter, we moms should carefully consider owning any type of houseplant. Wilting plants just tell on us for being busy and distracted, and the kids already tattle on us enough. 

When I was a young kid, my family attended a church where there was not yet a kids' program (other than Sunday school) and we kids had to endure an hour of fire and brimstone sitting on a hard pew alongside the adults. I had been content to doodle on attendance cards until cousins on my dad's side told me their mom gave them Tootsie Rolls and lollipops during their church service.

So I asked Mom, "Why can't we have Tootsie Rolls during church?" and Mom replied, with some umbrage, "Because," (you see, her people would never have doled out out more than a mint or cough lozenge during worship), "church is no picnic."

Amen, sister. It was hard on a kid to sit still and attend to the service, especially wearing a fancy dress and squeaky patent shoes. The one exception was Vacation Bible School, which was eagerly anticipated. We got a sticker for bringing a friend, we sat down front in the sanctuary and recited memory verses, and our lessons were punctuated with red fruit punch and flower-shaped butter cookies, the kind you could put on your finger and nibble around.

In contrast, my kids have always had Sunday school programs designed just for their age group, with carefully scripted lessons and a craft project worthy of a blue ribbon at the state fair. A snack is a given; in fact, they may not have an appetite for lunch after their feast of graham crackers and punch. They have only known pleasant experiences at church. Yet as a working mom, I've never sent them to a summer VBS program for fear of complicating a fragile summer schedule. Other moms would happily have picked them up and even kept them afterwards, but it was just too much to ask of someone who already had her own kids to handle.

I think of VBS as a sort of rite of passage, so my more flexible schedule means this is the summer they are going to get their VBS experience. If you look around, the opportunities for VBS or a similar religous summer program are far and wide.  Moms are already decorating classrooms, coordinating thematic activities and arranging refreshments (dare I admit this is the best part?)  for an intense week of instruction that in most cases begins the first week of June. These almost always are free or at nominal cost to participants, and all are subsidized by the church budgets to ensure they are well resourced.

The child-centric church experiences offered today probably came about as a result of women's increasing leadership in children's ministries and our advances in understanding child development. Many, if not most, curricula are developed by professionals in instructional design and the materials are as high-quality and entertaining as any commercial production. All are based on biblical characters and values and few emphasize denominational doctrines.

If you're looking for wholesome opportunities for your kids this summer (and, let's be honest, new childcare options), VBS programs are hard to beat. Your kids get to make new friends and develop their biblical knowleldge in a program of fun and games. Maybe VBS really is a picnic.

If you have a VBS you would like to see added to the BirminghamMom calendar, please e-mail the relevant information to info@birminghammom.com.

Why the rooster image? An homage to the old VBS anthem: "Booster, booster, be a booster; don't be grouchy like a rooster. Booster, booster, be a booster, and boost your bible school!" (Tune of the chorus of "Battle Hymn of the Republic"). 

 

 

 

It's a given that your kids and spouse would spend Mother's Day impecably groomed and smiling at you with adoration. After all, this is Mom Prom and they are your dates. This motherhood gig is hard work and we want all the perquisites that come with the position. Quick, snap a photo before all the good humor evaporates and it's time for the afternoon naptime or ball practice (thanks, coach).

We love basking in the attention from our appreciative families, but why not take a moment to tip our hats to the fellow moms we depend on every day? Consider these:

*The carpool moms who are unfailingly reliable, day after day, no matter the weather or how much sleep they missed the night before 

*The room mothers who plan the class party, dole out assignments for refreshments, and make sure there are plenty of games and crafts for the kids to enjoy

*The volunteer moms who make sure our community needs are acknowledged and met via tireless efforts and hours of their own time

*The working moms who write a check for any need, from a call for supplies to the treat of Edgar's cupcakes

*The team moms who remind us of practice times, round up stray gear, plan the team party and get team photos distributed 

*The scout moms who chaperone camping trips, applying bug spray with no thought for their own nail polish

*The PTO moms who make sure soup labels and box tops are collected and see that fundraisers generate the excitement and interest of the entire school community 

*The mom next door who chases down your escaped dog, loans a needed ingredient for a casserole, and coordinates an errand to save you a trip

Moms, we can't do it without each other. Running here and there, we often neglect to say more than a courtesy thank-you in passing to our fellow BirminghamMoms. Rest assured that it's not only your family who appreciates you; it's all the rest of us who couldn't manage all that we do without your cooperation and support.

Happy Mother's Day, BirminghamMoms!

Upscale designers are now going "downscale" by selling through mass-market retailers to reach a broader set of customers. If you have reservations about downscale shopping, you should reconsider what you're really getting for your money. Although the garments don't compare to a designer's own boutique, the same designer's mass market clothing is reasonably priced and often reflect the same design sensibility.

Most all of the products now are imported, packaged as separates within a seasonal collection, and include coordinating accessories. The quality is comparable whether they are sold through a department store or discount retailer. The main difference is that the items are heavily promoted via sale prices at a department store, whereas the discounter will price it lower to begin with.

Here are three brands that are especially appealing for moms:

Dana Buchman (Kohl's) - If your wardrobe is based on neutrals and you like a refined, clean look, Buchman's work for Kohl's - called "Signature Style" - is worth examining. Do you shop at Talbot's? Then you will find several pieces to like.  Although the jackets are not fully lined, they do have fabric where it counts most; inside the sleeves, the front panels, and the back shoulders. Of course, the fact that they have lining at all is a surprise at price points below $50. Look at the chain detail shown on the jacket here;  nothing "downmarket" about it.

Norma Kamali (Wal-Mart) - This collection is based almost entirely on navy, gray, and black. Most of the pieces are offered at price points of $10, $15, and $20. The basic pieces feature machine-washable, wrinkle-resistant polyester with an easy drape. If you shop at Chico's or J. Jill, you may want to take a look at what this brand offers.

Vera Wang (Kohl's) - Vera's name goes far beyond wedding dresses these days and is liberally sprinkled throughout the women's apparel and accessories at Kohl's. The designs are decidedly trendier, with the inverted pleats, graduated colors and sillhouettes that are of-the-moment. If you're a boutique shopper and pride yourself on wearing the most current look, "Simply Vera" is a good bet. There is a slight risk that you will see yourself coming and going, but if you don't shop by collection and combine pieces with your existing wardrobe, you can get more mileage for your money.

No listing would be complete without mentioning Isaac Mizrahi, who helped Target follow through on its "Design for All" theme. Now Target is collaborating with designers on limited collections- Anna Sui is on deck for this fall - but we BirminghamMoms can benefit from the best in design for no more than we would spend on any no-name garment.

It was a rare occasion when, for some reason, my husband was in the grocery store with me as I scrambled to gather a few things. I had a great coupon - any coupon of $1 or more rates four stars with me - that would expire the following day for peanut butter. Unfortunately, I had plenty of peanut butter already, so I sat the coupon next to the stock on the shelf and began moving on. (I say "unfortunately" because I hate not getting the satisfaction of using a four-star coupon.) 

"What are you doing?" he asked, puzzled.

"I'm leaving it for someone else," I replied, as if this weren't obvious.

"You don't just set that stuff down in a store!" he objected, almost indignant.

"Of course I do! Everyone does! Nobody lets a good coupon go to waste. You mean you haven't noticed  a coupon sitting next to the item in the store before?" And his puzzled expression was proof that I had been managing the grocery shopping for far too long. This man needed to acclimate himself with the customs among bargain hunters. Evidently golf stores don't have a coupon protocol.

Since that conversation I've come to appreciate a tucked-in coupon as something of a lucky penny, only better. A found coupon thoughtfully placed is not only a gesture of goodwill, it's also worth much more than a penny, maybe thirty-five to 100 times more. It's sort of an oxymoron, an act of generosity from a miserly shopper.

I'm sure we coupon fairies are the bane of the shelf-stocker's existence. No doubt somebody's "zone defense" strategy of stacking all the cans, facing all the labels, and lining up packages precisely on each shelf would be more satisfying if we pesky bargain hunters weren't stuffing little papers amidst all their hard work. Don't you know they hate to see a woman heading down one of their assigned aisles clutching a coupon caddy?

Thrifty shoppers are full of good intentions. They want to see someone benefit even if they can't. Coupon planting must be like the code campers follow, a sort of effort to preserve the environment so others can come along later and enjoy it just as much. 

BirminghamMoms, be unapologetic and leave that coupon for someone else to use. The manufacturer will be delighted even if the stock boy/girl isn't.

This coupon fairy went so far as to set the featured product out prominently. Evidently the stockers were a little behind on filling the near-empty shelves...probably busy picking up stray coupons.

This sign represents one of the most endeariing aspects of our city. There are still places where the "honor system" is sufficient for a transaction. Although this business owner is not naive - signs at this tomato stand also announce it is under video surveillance - I wonder, do cops take stealing tomatoes seriously? It's really not about the tomatoes anyway, but rather the community members expecting one another to adhere to the honor system.

Since this guy has been so trusting of the public, I somehow feel a little protective of his tomatoes. Nicky Hilton made a citizen's arrest at IHOP...I wonder what the headlines would be for "Mom makes citizen's arrest at tomato stand."

Just yesterday I experienced another Birmingham community moment. As I was driving the kids to pracitce, we came upon a turtle crossing the road in a residential area. I pulled over, intending to get out and move the turtle. Before I could get out of the car, a gentleman (transporting his kids also) stopped to see if we needed help. Quickly spotting the turtle, he jumped out of his car and scooped him up, placing him safely in the grass. (As my daughter commented, "The turtle is probably thinking, 'Great, now I have to start all over'.").

It is reinforcing to think our kids are growing up in a place where people will stop for a moment to help a turtle. And although an "honor system" isn't advisable for most businesses anywhere any more, it's encouraging to see someone who is optimistic enough to try.

A few years ago I was at an event in the Civic Center when my young son had to GO to the restroom, and none of the usual bargaining efforts would work. "Can you wait until we get home?" Head shakes No. "What about if we stop on the way?" No. "You're sure you can't wait until we get out of here..." and his wild-eyed look of panic set me to running along with him looking for signage to lead us to the porcelean promised land. (What was I thinking, giving a four-year-old bladder a 12 oz. Sprite?)

When we reached the doors to the men's and women's restrooms, I was dismayed to see a line of women stretching from the women's restroom door along the side wall. Pan over to the men's door...and I saw no one waiting. Guys were walking in and out so casually I actually resented their leisurely pace. We had arrived frantic and breathless, and all that jostling had made the threat of an accident even more imminent for my now-bursting kid. So here was the dilemma: Beg mercy to break line among all the women (many of whom were elderly or escorting young children themselves) or send my little lamb into the men's restroom, where any pervert could be stationed and where even sanitation workers refuse to go without hazmat protective gear?

I'm certain every other BirminghamMom has faced this same choice. While most of us look out for one another - I've offered to let moms with young ones step ahead of me in the restroom line and many of you have done the same for me - the issue of restroom access really gets me riled. Don't our universities educate thousands of students in statistics, queuing theory, engineering and the like? I seriously think the potty issue has been one reason women have been denied opportunities for years. Somebody up in the ranks couldn't figure out how to manage separate latrines, so they just marched ahead and left us to wait...literally.

At last, some architects are recognizing a solution to this problem in, of all places, ballparks. This is thanks to a 2005 New York City law requiring all new or newly renovated places of public assembly to have two women's fixtures for every man's. In addition, developers of Yankee Stadium have turned attention to statistics beyond batting averages and are looking at "potty parity" as measured by wait times, not just number of fixtures. Finally, someone figured out how to frame this problem properly.   

There is an American Restoom Association that draws attention to these issues. There are many "restroom challenged" people other than moms with young kids. Some of the ARA's potty horror stories do elicit a chuckle, such as "diners experiencing the diuretic effects of coffee or alcohol" (brings to mind a few occasions) and the elderly, noting "functional capacity is halved as we age" (this I am learning). A favorite was the published research paper entitled, "Bother Arising from Urinary Frequency in Women." Darn right it's a bother! Imagine the moms riding the wagon train to settle the west. I doubt the leaders stopped for your frequency problem back then.

Restroom facilities are governed by complex plumbing codes, many of which are outdated. Some do not recognize the "instantaneous demand" caused by intermissions and half-time breaks. There are formulas for water closets vs. urinals, which do not count one-for-one. That's before we count diaper changing facilities, a whole other topic.

So developers, builders and space planners out there: Get your restroom ratios straight, over and above the code. . As the American Restroom Association points out, many members of the population hesitate to participate in activities that put them out of range of toilet facilities. That certainly includes us moms, who are also the family contact for popcorn, soda and souvenir requests. The less time we're in queues at your restroom, the more time we're in queues at your registers.

Post Script: What was the outcome of the civic center restroom dilemma? My son bolted away into the men's restroom in a last effort to avert disaster. I ran to the door and stood just outside the threshold yelling, "I AM GOING TO CALL TO YOU EVERY 10 SECONDS AND IF YOU DON'T ANSWER ME I AM COMING IN!  I WILL COME IN AND I HAVE MY CELL PHONE ON 911 SPEED DIAL! SECURITY IS JUST OUTSIDE THIS DOOR. DO YOU HEAR ME? ARE YOU OKAY? ANSWER ME!"

This monologue went on for the 30 seconds it took until he walked back out the door at a leisurely pace. Now I was resentful once again...it was my turn to wait in line.

Your folks have no excuse not to come visit you for a long weekend this summer. The Greater Birmingham Convention and Visitors Bureau, through its "In" Birmingham promotion, is doing its part to see that your family and friends have great lodging, deals and activities to entice them to the city.

The "IN Birmingham" promotion is based on an extensive effort to identify the locals' favorite places (and by locals, we mean you). Fortunately, if you didn't take time to participate, there are many people who did, and their collective responses highlight the places and activities that make Birmingham what it is. As you know from traveling any interstate, most exits are the same. The "IN Birmingham" results point out the unique treasures that are only found here.

Several hotels in and around Birminghamm are offering Sunday night free with a Friday and Saturday night stay. They're located all over town, from chains like Hyatt, Marriott, and AmeriSuites to one-of-a-kind properties like Tutwiler, Hotel Highland, Ross Bridge, Redmont and Wynfrey.

Of course, visitors want something to do and you can't very well be responsible for their constant entertainment. Fortunately, there are plenty of activities and special offers to get visitors and homebodies alike out to see what the 'ham has to see and do. The Alabama Theatre, Vulcan Park, Red Mountain Theatre, and many others are also offering incentives through this promotion, with most coupons available to print online. If you're like many BirminghamMoms, you are more likely to visit  area attractions when you have guests than when it's a normal weekend at home. This is the tendency among locals almost anywhere; it's easier to appreciate your hometown when you're looking through a fresh set of eyes, and in any case it's hard to break from your usual routine.

Encourage your guests to order an "IN Birmingham" guide to preview the activities that are most appealing to them. In addition, keep an "IN Birmingham" booklet in your guest bedroom as a reference (order online or pick up at many Chamber of Commerce offices, Libraries, and retail center customer service desks such as Brookwood, Galleria, etc.).

Don't just keep the book for guests, though. Make it your goal to sample the many "in" activities you haven't yet tried.

Of course your family and friends would have endured the inflatable mattress just for the sake of visiting your darling kids and enjoying your skills as a hostess. Fortunately for you both, with all that's "IN Birmingham," they won't have to.