As Valentine's Day approaches, it's striking to note that every man is an easy mark for jewelry stores, fragrance counters and lingerie shops. Florists happily reinforce the implicit message that you will be scorned for the rest of the year if you don't bring gifts come February 14th.

Guys, this year you get a pass on the extravagant gift. It was fun to receive beautiful bouquets and jewelry back when we were courting and these gifts were bought with your money. But now our joint account is all milk money, and these days especially, we can't be spending it frivolously. Here are some considerations:

*It's true we dreamt of little velvet boxes back when we were dating, but now that we've moved on to child rearing, what we really want are service and convenience. That means anything that gives us more time, like the house being cleaned or the car being detailed.

*You'd be amazed at how it would improve our moods to have the little annoyances removed, like the squeaky hinges, broken doorbells, etc. Having that honey-do list done would be as thrilling as a vase of roses. 

*Honestly, the thought of you men in the jewelry store makes us nervous in the same way you're uneasy with us bargaining alone at the car dealership. We can't help but feel that you are a lamb to the slaughter. Just remember there is no joy in receiving anything we can't easily afford. And if you somehow have managed to sock away the cash for it, why didn't you agree to hire a housekeeper already? 

* Do not buy a heart shaped candy box from the quick mart. We expect you to be more sophisticated than that. (Pick up a strawberry cake at Ashley Mac's or a few exquisite artisanal chocolates from Crave.)

*At a certain point in a woman's life, a new front-loading washer would bring more enjoyment than a bracelet for the same price.  This is a very dangerous point, however, and you must be certain to call it correctly or risk great wrath. She will let you know if it's the year to go the major appliance route, and you must at least be sure to go to dinner after the visit to Home Depot. (This point usually arrives at around seven years of marriage or two laundry loads per day, whichever arrives first).

*Only major appliances are acceptable for Valentine's gifts; small appliances are better appreciated as a surprise for no reason. The day a girl gets a blender for Valentine's, a little piece of her heart breaks.

*Who are you kidding? We know that lingerie is for you. That's fine; just don't think it will be sufficient by itself. Have dinner reservations or bring home a nice meal for us to enjoy. Don't forget to do something with the kids, too (this seems to be the point where plans always fall apart; if you don't have the babysitter's contact info, add it to your phone right now).

 If flowers are important to her, consider my all time favorite Valentine story from last year: One BirminghamMom receives roses at work from her husband every year. The fun of it is that he handles the entire operation himself. He selects them at the supermarket, stuffs them in a vase, and delivers them to the security guard's desk at her office. She never sees him, but when she gets the call for a delivery pick-up she knows it was him. He saves about $55 for his trouble and it is their running Valentine joke. She adds that the card is always in his familiar handwriting and they have a nice, guilt-free dinner out that evening.

Finally, remember a single rose and an enthusiastic greeting from you beats a dozen delivered by the boy from the flower shop.  

 

Back in Mayberry, residents didn't have to hop out of their cars to pump gas because Gomer Pyle was happy to attend to their needs.

Fast forwarding to the here and now, full service gasoline is all but extinct. You don't even need to look to see whether a pump is full or self serve.

Most of us think nothing of swiping our cards to pay at the pump. In fact, if not for the card swipe at the pump, moms would  be horribly inconvenienced by having to unbuckle and drag the kids inside with us to pay for gas.

Thankfully, we don't have to disturb sleeping or content kids while we handle a fill-up. But even with the convenience of a card swipe, there are still plenty of other good reasons to seek out a full service gasoline with an attendant sometimes.

* Maybe your tire pressure needs to be checked and you don't want to fiddle with the pressure gauge and that little tip to the tire stem (like earring backs, these things will fall and immediately roll to the least accessible crack in the pavement before you even know what happened)

 * The car windows are nasty and you don't want to slog that squeegee in your good clothes

* You're headed on a short road trip and really should check the oil and fluids, since that's the first thing your dad will ask when you call him about a dashboard light (how many grown women do you know who call their father about a car problem because their spouse has no mechanical knowledge whatsoever?)

* You never think about these little car maintenance items otherwise, and neither does your spouse (see above); alternatively, maybe you're a single mom, all the more reason to have a full service option

* Special to Divas: It's too cold, hot, or windy for you to get out of the car

There are only a handful of places left in Birmingham that still offer these services and a busy BirminghamMom needs to know them:

Vestavia - Austin's Vestavia Shell, 728 Montgomery Hwy at the intersection between Publix and the Vestavia City Center (Henry Austin has been there for almost 30 years; a true mechanic as opposed to a cashier)

Mountain Brook - Crestline Shell, 80 Church Street near - what else? - the clock tower

Trussville - Harbison's Tire & Auto, 769 Hwy 11

Roebuck - Ron's Red Lane Exxon, between Red Lane and Orchard Road

Gasoline from a full service pump costs more per gallon, and some of the stations may simply add an upcharge of $4 or so for the extras like a fluid check.  Although it sounds like a luxury service, your dad will consider it money well spent.

 

There are some people who are made for bringing their lunch and, in particular, eating the same thing every day of their working lives. I know moms who pack the same lunch daily for their kids (except on pizza day in the lunchroom) and I'm amazed that the kids don't rebel. It's probably a good habit, though, as I've thought back on some dyed-in-the-wool brown baggers I've known.

Savers -  A former coworker amassed a tidy sum on a modest salary, in large part because he had the stamina to bring his lunch for years. This guy brought the same turkey sandwich, apple and chips every single day without fail, and only deviated if there was a special event lunch or - better still - the company was buying. (This guy went on to be self-employed and whenever I see him he reminds me that he doesn't "do" eight a.m. anymore.)

Pragmatists - I know another guy who made it all the way through college, med school, and a fellowship eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, six apple slices, and four lemon creme cookies for lunch every day. No, he didn't particularly like it, he says, but it simplified things. There wasn't time or money to go out, plus he could prepare his lunch the night before and then eat quickly whenever he had a moment during the day. Now he dines in the doctor's lounge for two bucks and is giddy over having real cafeteria food. 

Calorie Counters - You know when these folks are starting a diet because they buy a new lunch pack and thermos to get them off to an enthusiastic start. The first test of their commitment is the birthday celebration at the nearby Mexican restaurant. Can't they just skip the cheese dip and still go?

Creatures of Habit - I finally quit calling a friend who could not be pulled away from her daily turkey sandwich for an impromptu lunch. "But I've already made my sandwich," she would say guiltily. This always frustrated me, as if that 4-slice turkey sandwich was waiting expectantly and wouldn't keep in the break room fridge for another 24 hours. Besides, she would have another one just like it the following day, and the next one after that. 

On the other hand, if you made lunch plans well ahead (I learned this was the only way she could wrap her mind around anything other than her turkey sandwich), you had better not have anything come up to spoil the plans. A cancellation would throw her completely out of balance, as if she had cheated on her turkey sandwich and had been abandoned lunchless as cheaters deserve.

I've ultimately decided that these folks have the ability to be Zen masters of a sort. They don't care that much about food, so whether it's the same sandwich or a random soup doesn't matter to them. There is an upper limit on the amount of enjoyment they can get out of any meal, so there's really no use in them spending money or effort above the bare minimum. If they were in New Orleans they would still eat at Taco Bell.

I could stand to learn from these people. Maybe I would have a lot more money if I had their discipline (but hey, isn't good food one of the reasons to toil in the first place?)

What drives these types to tolerate sameness every day? Is it the comfort of routine, the promise of an eventual payoff, the ease of not having to think or plan? Because it surely can't be that they can't wait to bite into that cold turkey sandwich. Again.

 

McAlister's Deli was recently named a top 10 fast-casual restaurant by Parents Magazine, and to celebrate they've been offering a kids eat free deal during the month of January: up to two kids eat free from the kids' menu with the purchase of an adult meal.

Good news! The McAlister's Deli franchise operation in the Birmingham area, New Gourmet Deli, LLC, is extending the popular program for the month of February. This means every dark, cold day evening you are running behind or wishing you didn't have to cook, you don't have to. You can take the kids to McAlister's and let them bus the table.

This special is good every day of the month, so that covers lunch with a playdate, dinner before ball practice, or a meal after a game. Kids meals include options like a ham or turkey and cheese sandwich, a pita bread pizza, nachos, a hot dog, or a kids' salad along with a drink. For us moms, there are salads, sandwiches, soups and spuds. A personal favorite is the half and half, a combination two of any half spud, salad, sandwich or soup. And several of these combos are less than 500 calories, so we don't have to fear the dining-out weight gain (look for the "5 Under 500" display on the counter).

The February kids eat free special applies to McAlister's Deli locations in Hoover, Wildwood, UAB, Pelham, and Greystone, as well as the locations in Anniston and Mobile. A restaurant that gives me an excuse to go out with the kids and leave the dishes behind gets my vote as a Top 10.

Shoe tying has been an annoying interruption for me ever since I had kids. From the moment they started walking it seems there have been loose laces flapping and flying and me running behind them. On more than one occasion a lace caused a trip, which caused a fall, which caused the skinned knee that brought whatever we were doing to a dead stop for the requisite kisses before tying the darn things again.

Now I go to ballgames and we watch referees hold up the game for kids to stop and tie shoe laces. In fact, shoe tying is practically a ritual in recreation leagues, hence the refs know to watch for it. No matter how many velco shoes they make for kids, and we have tried them all, the standard for athletic shoes is still lace-ups. In 200 years of shoe making, this is still the best we have.

So when I saw Lace Stick at Bass Pro Shops amongst all the waterproof hunting boots and paraphernalia (no, I have no interest in hunting, but was strangely drawn to the stuffed racoon atop the display), I had to try it. If hunters - the people who look forward to rising before dawn to sit motionless in tree stands for hours in frigid weather -  use this stuff, it must be good. It stands to reason that you can't stop to tie a shoe when you're after game and you have a dangerous weapon in your hands.

to apply Lace Stick, you just draw the laces through the hole in the cap, barely coating the lace with a slightly tacky, dry and colorless substance. Tie the shoes as usual and you're good to go.

Many ballgames later, Lace Stick has proven to be effective. In fact, laces don't even cross my mind anymore. 
Besides athletic situations, I'm not having to harp about school shoes that are untied or breaking my nails to undo impossible double knots that any 18th century pirate would be proud to claim. I think I am making peace with lace-up shoes.

Lace Stick is around three bucks and I've learned it's sold at most athletic stores in addition to Bass Pro Shops. If I were a daycare instructor, I would keep it in my pocket at all times. After all, it takes a few years before that pincer grasp can move from grabbing Cheerios to tying laces, and I don't need any extra skinned knees to blow.

It's winter and that means I'm with a lot of other BirminghamMoms trying to get our husbands to internalize this message: You are no less a man if you use basic skincare products.

It amazes me that even sensitive, thoughtful men can be so unilaterally opposed to skincare of any sort. Somewhere the John Wayne decision model (If the Duke wouldn't do it, neither would I) has done a disservice to men everywhere. If John were still around, I'd recommend some skincare company get ahold of him as a spokesman to assure our defiant fellows that it is okay to apply a moisturizer. Of course, John would probably have too much residual sun damage to be very convincing.

Although men can bear the signs of aging more distinctively than women (would a women's hair product called "Touch of Gray" ever make it commercially?), there is a point at which the pure discomfort of chapped skin should overrule any misplaced worry about being seen as a sissy. Although men's skincare is evolving, the market is a long way from Gift With Purchase.

Sunscreen on the golf course might pass muster, but the only luck I have had in launching a skincare mission is  to bring home products that are almost medicinal in their marketing approach:

No attractive people on the package. Any man whose photo is on a package must be a sissy, thus destroying any perceived credibility.

No pleasant fragrance, since this would be too great a leap from the menthol odors of Bengay and Vick's Vapor Rub, the only other skin potions the manly man would approve.

No promises of softer or glowing skin. Vanity is pursued through machinery like cars or lawn mowers, not unctions and creams.

Nothing can be considered a skincare regimen. A regimen means trying, and John Wayne wouldn't try. 

A few suggested products that meet these criteria and are reallly good:

Neutrogena's Noreweigan Formula Cream - The package claims the formula began with Norweigan Fishermen who worked in the unforgiving icy sea waters. This is appealing since fishermen are often featured on "Deadliest Catch" risking their very lives just to trap crabs. Also, the Nords have that Viking ancestry, which makes any Norwegian Formla sound stout enough even for today's mighty office man. 

No Crack Cream - The product has been around awhile, and maybe it's the straightforward name that makes it so non-threatening to the reluctant male (or is it a Bart Simpson sense of mischief?). Anything that claims relief for farmers, gardeners, and factory workers has to be an earnest, non "beauty" product.

Udder Cream and Bag Balm, available at drug stores, were originally created for dairy cows. Moms need no further explanation.

These fine products that have stood the test of time and work very well. However, I refuse to open a medicine cabinet in my home and see something called "Bag Balm" looking back at me. Call it a regenerating serum, a beauty butter, or an anti aging break through, but not something that suggests an old bag. It turns out I, too, have some skin care hangups.

Having your hygienist ask whether you are flossing your teeth faithfully is a lot like when your hairdresser asks you if you've been trimming your own bangs. She knows the answer but she just wants you to feel the shame in responding. In the moment of truth you're painfully aware that she's also weilding sharp objects about your head while you are stuck in an adult high chair wearing a bib.

Is there any daily routine more unexciting than flossing? For that matter, is there any daily routine that is more happily skipped? 

This find doesn't make flossing any more exciting, but it is more practical than unwinding a spool, winding floss around your fingers, etc. These are Brushpicks and they are remarkable because one end is actually molded into tiny soft bristles.

This makes Brushpicks much better at getting that little speck of broccolli out of your teeth after lunch and before an afternoon meeting. If your kids wear braces, these are incredibly simple to use and easier to maneuver than some of the typical orthodontic products. They're far superior to ordinary toothpicks.

You still need wooden toothpicks for things like serving hors de oeuvres, holding together a wrap sandwich, and testing a cake for doneness. And you can use dental floss to slice a cake (a useful hint when you're having a party at the park and forget to bring the knife - assuming you have the trusty sample of dental floss in your cosmetic bag). But for preparing to face your hygienist, these picks may be your best defense.

 

Among the many opinions former Birmingham mayor Larry Langford used to share, one was a strong disapproval of low slung, saggy pants. Now another Larry, General Larry Platt of Atlanta's American Idol auditions, is enjoying his own 15 minutes of fame thanks to his catchy rebuke, "Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground..."

I get that youth culture is always going to have to distinguish itself from that of its elders. I understand that looking cool is important, and  one way to do that is to wear clothing that implies a loose and carefree attitude. But I have never understood wearing pants with the waistband below your rear end. Does no one fear their pants could just fall down and expose their bare behind? Maybe there's no shame nowadays in having your underwear show, but your rear end? Really?

It's not only a hip-hop look, its also been adopted by skater types as well. For all the loose, big jeans that sag around there are also super skinny ones that are worn low along with shaggy hair, a cap and some plaid.

I truly try to understand the appeal of the low-slung pants. Shorter steps? (wouldn't it feel more powerful to be able to take long strides?) Is it a way to camouflage true proportions? A secret wish for the air circulation afforded by a skirt? From a purely practical perspective, it seems like big hassle.

Of course, now we know that our own Larry was in no position to be giving opinions on sartorial matters, since his own fancy pants - not to mention his shirt collection - seem to have been the undoing of his political career. 

As Simon Cowell gloomily predicted, "Pants on the Ground" is becoming a viral hit and is now being chanted by kids on the school bus. Maybe a few of them will decide to wear their belts above their behinds.

 

 

I am an established discount diner, the kind that has to rifle through the coupon drawer before ordering a pizza. It's a point of pride that I can yield my tastes to whatever is included in the buy one, get one special. So great is my determination to use these deals that my daughter at three once objected, "But mommy, I just want to eat what my tongue wants to taste."  

The school coupoon book practically dictates our dining out options for the following year. With so many restaurants offering deals in these books, I have to insist we at least try to select something from them when we go out. In fact, the thought that one of us can eat free or that we'll get an appetizer thrown in is often my justification for going out in the first place.

That's why it's important that the coupon books be handy. It is hard to fully enjoy a meal knowing you've left a $10 entree sitting in a drawer at home in the form of a perforated slip of paper.  A plastic envelope in the car will keep all your discount dining options accessible. 

One of these document envelopes will hold a couple of coupon books as well as the Clipper Magazine, assorted Val-Pak slips, and direct mail pieces. It fits nicely in a seat pocket and is much easier to manage since the loose papers are always contained. You may even have space for a few favorite menus. 

If you swap cars to ride together, it's easy to grab the envelope out of your car and take with you. It's also the perfect way to keep up with those bounce-back receipts that have special offers if you complete a customer satisfaction survey. 

Best of all, you can let the kids look through the envelope for something that looks good to them. With enough conditioning, they too may develop a strong for a discount.

Despite the recession, Chick-fil-A has continued to prosper, enjoying robust growth in sales and aggressive store expansion. I think I know why. Even without the spokescows asking us to "eat mor chikn," Chick-fil-A has won a the approval of moms for understanding what we appreciate:

* Great service. Although the service is fast, it doesn't feel rushed.  Courteous people ask, "How can I serve you today?" Besides appreciating this as a customer, I'm pleased to see the behavior modeled for the kids.

* Indoor play areas that are well maintained and viewable from the dining area

* Healthy options like whole wheat buns (small upcharge) and grilled chicken  

* Fruit cups with a variety of fruits, not just apples

* Kids' meals with educational toys - not just movie promo trinkets - and the flexibility to swap the toy for an ice cream cone if your child prefers 

* Good condiments: Real honey for your biscuit and the option of light mayo; ditto the real flowers on the tables, unheard of in fast food dining

* Hand-spun milkshakes (get one of these and bliss out while the kids play awhile longer)

* Community involvement, from school fundraiser nights to providing teachers and coaches with coupons they can use to reward their students' academic efforts

* SEC sponsorship, starting off our beloved football season with the free chicken sandwich day 

Chick-fil-A has figured out how to get families in the habit of visiting regularly. For example, one local Chick-Fil-A frequently provides coupons - such as a free kids' meal with the purchase of a combo meal - for participants in Upward sports events. So where do you think all the players want to go for lunch after the Saturday morning game? 

Chick-fil-A on highway 280 is one of the older freestanding restaurants, and it's still so popular that it actually has police directing traffic during the weekday lunch rush (sounds like a franchisee's dream). A friend of mine shares that she made a new mom friend there one day when she offered to share a table in the crowded dining room.

If all that wasn't impressive enough, Chick-fil-A is scheduled to be debt-free in three years. Isn't that remarkable? They should throw a ticker-tape parade with Dave Ramsey's devotees or, better yet, celebrate by giving away celebratory lemonades... 

I'm going to give Mr. Truett Cathy, age 88 and founder of the company, a pass for his casual comment in this article saying he typically looks for "family men" when selecting franchisees. For one thing, I am certain that any "family man" has a wife at home telling him what moms want and he has wisely learned to listen. For another, I will wager that good "family women" franchisees - i.e.,  moms - can keep his business attuned to his best customers. 

Finally, I have adjusted to the fact that Chick-fil-A is closed on Sundays. For ages it seemed that this was the one day I was likely to crave a chicken sandwich during a late afternoon run to the mall, and the dim storefront always seemed so forlorn. However, I now conceed it is a brilliant practice, both as a benefit for the employees and as an enticement for the rest of us to look forward to eating mor chickn on the following Monday. 

Why I love Chick-fil-A on 119:

Last spring Coldplay had a concert at the Verizon Wireless Music Center, but I couldn't commit to tickets because of my son's potential playoff baseball game that evening. Sure enough, his team was in the playoffs (taking second place). After the game, hubs took the kids home while I raced to hwy 119 in hopes of hearing just a bar or two of Coldplay. I pulled into the Chick-fil-A parking lot on 119 with the restaurant just closing and the owner naturally patrolling to see his employees to their cars safely and making sure there were no loiterers (that would be me) in the parking lot.

As I sat with my window cracked - yes, I'm that much of a Coldplay fan - he drove by and I practically begged, "I couldn't buy tickets because of a ballgame but I just want to hear a few tunes" - and this nice fellow smiled and said to enjoy the music before rolling on through the lot. Then I heard the beginning of "Clocks" echoing against Oak Mountain and I was satisfied I had gotten my fix before heading home. Here's a shoutout and a thankyou to the Chick-fil-A on 119!